What is Home?

My safe place to be myself.

My space of nurture and belonging.

Home is where…

  • I am greeted as I pass through the door.
  • I trust and am trusted.
  • my emotions are true and recognized.
  • my dignity is respected.
  • I am appreciated.
  • I am encouraged and supported.
  • my opinion is valued.
  • I am not forced to hold secrets.
  • judgment is absent.
  • help is abundant.
  • people listen.
  • I receive care.
  • I give and receive unconditional love.
  • I find peace.

On the path to healing from familial emotional abuse, home has garnered a new level of importance on my ladder to well-being. Actually, home IS the ladder to well-being; it must be secure and steady to rise above the dysfunction. Each healing step relies on a sturdy structure that provides a solid foothold for me to climb.

The energy in our homes is vital to good health: emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, social, financial, relational. Just as one person’s bad day effects the atmosphere of the moment, one person’s bad life effects the atmosphere of the home. I grew up in this atmosphere, not with one ill parent, but two. Out of three daughters, I was the one who endured persecution into my adulthood.

I’ve erred to invite such illness into my adult home. Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, Sunday mornings, Thursday afternoons-family get-togethers have denied me, my husband, and my daughters to our rights listed above. In our own home. I am remorseful for this, but I didn’t know the abuse was still active. I didn’t know emotional abuse existed.

But I felt it in little ways. Two years ago, half my family missed a Christmas meal I paid for, planned, and prepared, but rather than hearing an apology, I was told, “We didn’t think about how you’d feel”, and with an angry tone, “Accidents happen”. My feelings were never validated.

Emotional abuse utilizes words that cut. They devalue my worth. They deny me my rights in my own home. It is my prerogative to create a healthy environment for my children. They will no longer watch me be cut by my family. I won’t let that happen any more.

I am climbing the ladder of emotional abuse from disbelief, anger, and fear, to a new height of empowerment. My home is my sanctuary. It nurtures me, and I belong there. My husband belongs there. Our daughters belong there. In peace.

Peaceful wishes to all of you, from my home to yours.


4 thoughts on “What is Home?

  1. Thank you for sharing. I’m happy that you have recognized the abuse and have taken steps to keep it out of your home! Keep on truckin’.

    1. Yes, me too! No more anxiety, no more painful holidays. I am definitely on the right path.

  2. Christmas Day was sacrosanct in my family: “Just Us” (me, and my parents). “But why?”, family and friends would ask, “it’s always just you”. Bc we are celebrating in our home, with happiness, joy and love, this most important of days.
    It gave us the energy to handle extended family drama for the rest of the holidays.

    1. Thank you for reading. Yes. We are all worth freedom from pain on Christmas. I lift a champagne glass, and the corners of my mouth, to that.

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